Ask some questions. Do I want to find God? Why do I want to find God? Do I think God can do something special for me? Will I be different if I find God? Do I want God to take all my problems away? Will I stop suffering if I find God? How will I feel if I find God?
I do not want to debate the existence of God, and I will answer the questions I have posed as I understand them. But first a choice needs to be made. This is the era of science AND religion, not science OR religion. More and more scientists are coming to believe that a Supreme Being, as most of us perceive Him, does indeed exist. But back to the choice. Who was here first? God or the universe? Once the choice has been made, then the above questions can be answered. Here we go.
I believe God was here first. Yes, I have always desperately wanted to find God. I have been a seeker for as long as I can remember. When I was a very little girl, I was asking my parents questions…where does God live?….that sort of thing. I wanted to find God because He is bigger than me, and if He is bigger, He must be smarter too. I had (and still have) a lot of questions. I believe God can do special things for me. I believe that because I have learned to stay close to God through prayer and meditation. I believe He somehow hears every petition and sometimes His answer is yes and sometimes His answer is no. But the answer is always in my best interests, even though I may not understand it at the time. I am different since I have found God, and yes, I wanted to be different. I am different because I am secure. He might be the big CEO in the sky; but I am surrounded by His “angels.” Sure I want God to take all my problems away, but I know that He won’t. However, He doesn’t leave me stranded. He is always right in the middle of the mess with me. I have found that God has nothing to do with our suffering. We take that on ourselves. My mind can run rampant with negative thoughts if I let it. So I keep a tight lid on the messy stuff. By the way, it isn’t easy. Following God is the hardest and the most rewarding thing one can ever do. How do I feel since I found the Creator of the Universe and Master of My Soul? As James Brown would sing, “I feel goood…”
I understand beauty, and love, and sadness, and gladness. I understand that now, in this world, I am on a special trip. If I get lost, I never say, “Where are you, God?” Rather I always pray, “Please come and find me, God.” He always does.